well i think i've taken all i can take of feeling fat and useless and cruddy, and so starting from now i am controlling my diet and excercising 30 minutes to an hour a day. :] ... or maybe on monday. i think i'm going to try the 28 day plan, y'know? that means i have to drink water and eat healthily, but no binging! healthy breakfast (or no breakfast), healthy lunch + water or something and dinner with water (or blueberry juice, yum!) and exercise every day (except maybe i'll leave out sunday sometimes XD)

and with any luck, doing this will inspire me to just keep going, to not binge and stuff my face with all those sugary things afterwards. plus, the 28 day plan has you do a good thing each day from feeling good to getting something done. which means forcing myself out of thise creative block and making my portfolio bigger! i just don't think i'll join the 28 day plan, since i don't even have the means to find out how much weight i've lost, but i'll leave that for another day.

so what's my goal? lose 15 - 20lbs
impossible to do in a month, but like
i said, i'm gonna keep going. :]

so please try and support me with this, whatever you think of my weight or how i look, please support me i promise i won't turn anorexic

ALSO. i really hate my 2D final piece for art (unfinished) and although i have a LOT of stuff still to do, i want to use the huge unprimed canvas i have to do something more interesting and better. not a self-portrait, but still a portrait of someone in colour (so i'll buy a new A3 sketchbook for school and do a lot of pastel work based on william maughans book) i think i'll go into town tomorrow with my camera and just spend the day taking photos of strangers and get a bunch of the photos and arrange them all together onto the canvas? well i can't think of anything else, so that's probably what i'll do. but i want to arrange them in a way that they all lead to another, like a woman smiling and looking in a certain direction should lead to another person who in turn leads to another, etc.

i have to have my art coursework (not the final pieces, i guess) finished sometime around december. so i'm thinking of just spending most of my time in my room working on art or out getting stuff for art. any other time i go out will be for school. and probably presents. ugh, i wish i could just order all my friends presents off the internet. maybe i could.

as for my journal, i need to make the cover and maybe more paper and sketches of things that will go in it. i'm thinking of making something else to go along with it, either as the final piece or coursework. like a pretty box with some sort of psychological meaning, or make clay marionettes. and paint eggs which i would hang up with ribbons and beads in may when all my stuff is on display. this all sounds grand, and i think i should go for it. if i can get money maybe my parents will let me go to town tomorrow for clay, too. or i could just wait for monday where there's plenty of clay and tools. i'll definately go to town and buy a sketchbook though and take photos. so today i'll just do a bunch of research and try drawing portraits from The Polaroid Book, and try and write up about my new 2D final piece and see if i can find any materials lurking about my house for the visual journal cover. wow i sound busy.

i think i'm going to apply to the belfast metropolitan college in january. they have BTEC diplomas for art and photography there, and they explore so many different mediums, so it'll be really good for me to go there instead of another high school for A levels. then i can go to university. need to have a really good portfolio for BMC, i'm determined to get in almost immediately.

i think that's all i have to vent today, so i better get busy.